Even MacGyver, master of improvisation, meets his match in Luxembourg’s compliance world. In this column, Gregory Kennedy explores the impossible demands placed on compliance officers—and why even a secret agent might struggle to keep up.
It’s the morning of January 1, 2025. As MacGyver enjoys a well-deserved coffee after averting a nuclear meltdown at Cattenom the night before, he decides he needs an even greater challenge. So, he starts looking for a job as a compliance officer.
MacGyver’s unexpected calling
Accustomed to sealing gas leaks with a chocolate bar to stop biochemical attacks, he figures compliance officers face a similar challenge—saving the world with meager resources. Convinced he’s a perfect fit, he scans job openings in Luxembourg.
Naturally, MacGyver is drawn to Counter-Terrorist Financing (CTF). With the sheer volume of EU regulations and the CSSF’s strict enforcement, he believes he can fight terrorists more effectively from a desk in Luxembourg City than in the field.
As he reads various job descriptions, his excitement skyrockets. Conducting cybersecurity due diligence on delegates, investigating suspicious transactions, and handling surprise inspections from the CSSF sound thrilling. It’s everything he could have hoped for.
Meanwhile, Penny Parker, his old flame, has recently taken over as Head of Human Resources at a Luxembourg-based Super ManCo. She’s been struggling for months to find a Chief Compliance Officer. The perfect candidate simply doesn’t exist.
An impossible job search
She needs someone experienced in AML, CTF, cybersecurity, data protection, risk management, portfolio management, and ESG. The ideal candidate should be certified in law, business administration, finance, economics, and cybersecurity, and fluent in English, French, and German. Finding a unicorn would be easier.
Then, MacGyver’s CV lands on her desk.
Wary of old feelings resurfacing, Penny hesitates to bring him in for an interview. But she knows that even without formal certifications, MacGyver is more than qualified. His extensive travels mean he meets the language requirements, and his track record of dismantling criminal organizations, hacking into secure systems, and caring about the environment make him an intriguing candidate.
In the interview, he easily convinces Penny he’s the right man for the job. His knack for getting things done on a shoestring budget is a major plus.
Reality hits hard
Initially excited about the role, MacGyver soon realizes he has bitten off more than he can chew. Expecting to fight terrorists, he instead finds himself battling a different enemy—financial regulators.
The relentless wave of regulations hitting the financial services industry becomes the toughest challenge of his career. The pressure mounts, and before long, he experiences massive burnout. This is his lowest point. He decides to leave compliance behind and return to being a secret agent.
Ultimately, he’s proud to have taken on the toughest job in the world, but he wonders how compliance officers manage to keep up with such an overwhelming number of regulations. A more practical approach is needed—after all, even MacGyver can’t do it all.
Gregory Kennedy is a columnist for Investment Officer Luxembourg. His columns appear every other week. He also works as a business development manager at Finsoft Luxembourg.
